Watching the river run

It's been a while since my last blog, but I've noticed a lot of Internet traffic and I want to stay in touch.  The past few months, I've experienced a lot of illness in my family. My mother has needed to go out of town frequently for urgent medical visits. My daughter had surgery, and my best friend was in a car accident that landed her in ICU. My husband has had some medical as well. Traveling out of town for our medical needs has been exhausting.

Being the caregiver instead of the person receiving care is new for me. I remember the days of horrific trigeminal neuralgia pain, the days and years that nothing helped the pain. My mother took care of me. She came over several times a day and ran my household as well as her own. Sometimes I saw her cry, sometimes I heard her prayers, and sometimes she squeezed my hand while the pain ripped through my face.

Because my mother has given me so much, I want to give back. She is strong, fiercely independent, and full of faith. But the past few months, I have seen her frailty. It scares me. 

No one can understand the emotional impact of caregiving until he or she has done it. My jaw hurts constantly, and it causes me to tire easily. It hurts not from trigeminal neuralgia but from a jaw procedure (functional jaw orthopedics) gone bad. It's something I want to address... one day.

I thank God for the opportunity to help my mother and my family. Knowing that each of us needs time to unwind, I welcomed the cool Florida weather today and managed to get outside. I sat in my front yard and let the wind whip my face. If you've experienced the TN pain that wind can evoke, then you know how wonderful it is for me to enjoy it. It's a blessing for which I thank God. 

I sat underneath my favorite tree, a golden rain tree. We planted it right after our home was built. It's past the golden phase and it's blossoms have turned pink. They're falling on the ground.

Across from my front yard is an empty lot that sits directly on the St. Johns River. I made myself a cup of Dunkin Donuts decaf, left the husband (a Gator game was on) and dogs inside, and watched the breeze blow ripples onto the water. For 30 minutes I was responsible for no one but me. And I thought of Loggins and Messina's "Run River Run," a song popular when I was a teenager. 

For as long as I can remember, the St. Johns River has been nearby. When I was in the Air Force, I longed to see it, even when I was stationed at a beach town. The river is home to me, and I can't imagine living too far from it. It's an anchor.

Unlike the ones that are attached to boats, our anchors should be free of weight. My number one anchor is my faith in the LORD. My second anchor is my family. Another anchor is the fact that my experience helps others. I'm humbled by the number of page views my blog receives and happy to see it reaching across the world.

Would you allow me a chance to get to know you? I'd like you to share with me the things that give you peace and stability. 

Run River Run

by Loggins and Messina

If you've been thinking you're all that you've got,
Then don't feel alone anymore.
When we're together, then you've got a lot,
'Cause I am the river and you are the shore.

And it goes on and on, oh, watching the river run,
Further and further from things that we've done,
Leaving them one by one.
And we have just begun watching the river run.
Listening, learning and yearning to
Run, river, run.

Winding and swirling and dancing along,
We pass by the old willow tree
Where lovers caress as we sing of our song,
Twisting together when we greet the sea.

Hospital Zone, respite, and answered prayers

In the past week, my Mom has needed emergency care twice. Yesterday my daughter had major surgery, and she had a procedure that lasted several hours. I hugged her at 10:30 a.m. and did not get to see her again until about 5:00 pm.. Last night, I slept in a chair in her hospital room.

Today I came back home ( a 1.5 hour drive) only to learn that my Mother needed to go back to the same area I just left so she could get treatment for her own emergent medical situation. Because I had very little sleep last night, I called my uncle, and took my mom back part of the way, not far from his home. He took my mom to the opthamologist, and I came back home to rest. Although I offered to pick my mother back up at his house, my uncle gladly brought her back home after her treatment was accomplished.

The good news is that both my Mom and daughter will both be fine, and I appreciate everyone's prayers. I'll be blogging about trigeminal neuralgia and facial pain soon but I'm going to take a couple of days to get some rest. A caretaker's stress can be high, and I remember the days when people took care of me. I'm glad I have a chance to give back a little caregiving in return.

We all have limits, and it's important to recognize them. Today I knew I was not the best candidate to take my Mom for treatment. It's not easy to let go, but one person cannot carry all the weight. If you are caring for someone who has trigeminal neuralgia or an extended illness, get support for yourself. You will need a respite, a chance to rest or take care of yourself. Emergent situations shouldn't overlap, but sometimes they do.

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. A big shout of thanks I give to my friend who put me up for then night preceding my daughter's surgery. As Claire Patterson, the founder of the Trigeminal Neuraglia Association has been known to say: only the nicest people have facial pain. It's not a direct quote, but she's right.