When a road ends

Trigeminal and glossopharyngeal neuralgias can obstruct love. Like most roadblocks, the obstacles present challenges for those trying to navigate around them.

If you are reading this, then you have probably experienced many of them: physical distress upon being kissed; feeling rejected because your partner does not understand the intensity of your pain; and having plain old bad breath because it hurts to brush your teeth. These are just a few effects of some cranial nerve disorders.

My marriage almost fell apart when I was ill. How frightening it was, the thought of losing my health insurance and the stress of enduring a divorce. There were times I wanted to buy an AirStream trailer and hit the road, an illogical notion because most of the time I was not able to drive. How desperately I wanted to escape.

My ex-husband did not leave me, never asked for a divorce. I thank God for sparing me from that situation. But my spouse withdrew, and I never got him back. Meanwhile, I changed and became much different from the woman he had recently married. The onset of trigeminal neuralgia came a mere two and half years after we said “I do.”

One thing I can honestly say is this: I feel certain the marriage would not have survived even if I had remained healthy. That is the most important thing I have to share with you.

Like anyone who experiences a divorce, I noticed that some of my friends disappeared into thin air. I was not surprised. Watching a marriage end, especially when one partner has a history of facial pain, can strike fear in the hearts of others who share the same disability. I understand this, and it is why I feel it may be beneficial to offer an explanation.

Illness does not destroy a marriage, just as roadblocks do not destroy a street. Sickness increases pre-existing marital stress.

On any extended road trip, detours are likely to occur. We may hit potholes as we try to find our way back to a more suitable route. As long as two people stay in the same vehicle, they stay on the same path. Staying together can be accomplished if they refuse to lose sight of each other.

Love is stronger than pain. I still believe it.

PillowGate: Losing and finding a place to lay one's head

For reasons too private to discuss, I left my home a mere two weeks after the delivery of the wonderful Stearns and Foster mattress I blogged about this past summer. I took my rattan pillow with me, and I managed to sleep peacefully at times, have nightmares at other times, continued to function, and to dysfunction as well.

The day of moving into my own apartment approached, and my friends (especially the one who had given me a place to stay) held their breath in anticipation. After all, I had been telling them I would feel so much better when I settled into my own place. But what I didn't know was that the person who had gifted me with the cherished rattan item would suddenly decide she didn't want me to have it anymore.The weekend I moved, I sent it back to her.

PillowGate, dubbed as such by my daughter, ensued.

Because I have helped other people look for a rattan pillow, I knew that finding one is virtually impossible. I got angry. I yelled. I cried. Most of all, I lifted things out of necessity that someone with neck and jaw problems shouldn't do. It's difficult to enlist the help of family and friends and then stand by and watch them work. Plus, I had been working out. Confident that the .0001 inch of muscle added to each bicep would allow me to lift things without injuring myself, I trudged on.

The first night in my new place I couldn't sleep because my cervical and jaw pain level was so high.  Night after night I swapped pillows all night long. Finally one morning at 4:00 I gave up, got up from the recliner, and tried to figure out how to work a Swiffer wet jet minus necessary batteries. I turned on the television and brewed a pot of Joe. When I heard someone talking about cervical issues, TMJD, and pillows, I thought I had gone back to sleep and was having another nightmare. But wait... I could smell the coffee!

I walked closer to the television and watched the graphic explaining how this pillow would help my neck. I looked up at the ceiling, wondering if God might be talking to me. Thinking that perhaps He was, I called the toll-free number to mypillow.com. They were experiencing unusually high call volume. Hmmm. Could there be more pillow-fighting athletes out there, other than my friends who have trigeminal neuralgia and facial pain? Perhaps. Not wanting to be in pain any longer than I had to be, I purchased the "firm" pillow via Internet.

Just three days later, it arrived. I followed the instructions by putting it in the dryer for a few minutes before I used it. After a few nights, I realized that a pillow that was actually too high existed. It gave my head and neck great support, but too much of it. I called MyPillow and spoke with a representative and learned that I had ordered an item sized for a linebacker. She helped me select another size, and I am hoping that it will be delivered tomorrow.

I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, I am using an accessory pillow. Some nights are better than others. Those of us who experience facial pain know a pillow is something to lose sleep over.

To my friends and family who offered tons of love and support while I made one of life's most difficult decisions, thank you. I love and appreciate you. Even more thanks go to the Lord, who watched over me in my frailty and angst.

March 2013 note from Kathy: more than a year later, I can say that MyPillow has made quite a difference in cervical and jaw pain. My mom also purchased one, and she has noticed a marked improvement in her comfort level. We have the firm pillows with blue writing on their tags. To my knowledge, these cannot be purchased from anywhere but directly from the company. 

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