Thursday, September 6, 2012

When a road ends

Trigeminal and glossopharyngeal neuralgias can obstruct love. Like most roadblocks, the obstacles present challenges for those trying to navigate around them.

If you are reading this, then you have probably experienced many of them: physical distress upon being kissed; feeling rejected because your partner does not understand the intensity of your pain; and having plain old bad breath because it hurts to brush your teeth. These are just a few effects of some cranial nerve disorders.

My marriage almost fell apart when I was ill. How frightening it was, the thought of losing my health insurance and the stress of enduring a divorce. There were times I wanted to buy an AirStream trailer and hit the road, an illogical notion because most of the time I was not able to drive. How desperately I wanted to escape.

My ex-husband did not leave me, never asked for a divorce. I thank God for sparing me from that situation. But my spouse withdrew, and I never got him back. Meanwhile, I changed and became much different from the woman he had recently married. The onset of trigeminal neuralgia came a mere two and half years after we said “I do.”

One thing I can honestly say is this: I feel certain the marriage would not have survived even if I had remained healthy. That is the most important thing I have to share with you.

Like anyone who experiences a divorce, I noticed that some of my friends disappeared into thin air. I was not surprised. Watching a marriage end, especially when one partner has a history of facial pain, can strike fear in the hearts of others who share the same disability. I understand this, and it is why I feel it may be beneficial to offer an explanation.

Illness does not destroy a marriage, just as roadblocks do not destroy a street. Sickness increases pre-existing marital stress.

On any extended road trip, detours are likely to occur. We may hit potholes as we try to find our way back to a more suitable route. As long as two people stay in the same vehicle, they stay on the same path. Staying together can be accomplished if they refuse to lose sight of each other.

Love is stronger than pain. I still believe it.


  1. Kathy I am really sorry for your divorce. You are really honest person, and I am glad that you are able to say real reason of your divorce. You are very brave and yes, illness change people, but you are much braver now, and I am sure that you will find someone much better for you. Stay well and healthy. You helped me very much.

  2. Thank you for letting me know that I have been helpful to you. It is odd how in spite of the pain people must deal with, they still want to help others who are experiencing the same. Blessings galore.

  3. I have suffered with trigeminal neuralgia for about 4 yrs. I have research and read almost every type of treatment and procedures and it just scares me. However, on the other hand the pain we endure just screams do something.

    I was on line one day and found a clinic in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina that has a procedure using infrared energy for there treatment. When I asked the difference between the gamma knife and their procedure they said there has been no side affects and radiation is not used.

    I am from California and will be heading out in about a week. If any of you want to check out the place it is called the Laser Med Center located in Myrtle Beach. I have booked marked this page and will definitely be sending you my results. I will definitely buy the book called 'With Great Mercy'.

    Thank you so much for this blog.

    1. I really appreciate your comments and your courage. You are right; treatment can be scary. It's good to network with others who have had a procedure that one is considering. I have said a prayer for you today and hope to hear from you soon. Feel free to email me if you are interested in talking with someone who has had the treatment you are interested in. Most of all, God speed your healing.