Memorializing Cherry

A week ago, my friend Cherry died. She had been ill for a few weeks, but she seemed to be getting better. Then she suddenly died. My mother knew Cherry since they were in elementary school.

Cherry lifted me up and supported me while trigeminal neuralgia seemed to be winning in a war it had launched against me. Although she had not experienced facial pain, she never doubted the intensity of my suffering. There were times when she put her needs on hold to stop and pray for me. One day when my speech was painful and distorted, someone laughed at me. Cherry spoke up because it made her angry. She was the type of friend who could be counted on in times of trouble.

Cherry was a blossom who didn't fade but continually bloomed. I'll always miss her.

Years ago, I wasn't able to go to funerals or stand outside because of having trigeminal neuralgia. Monday I was able to do both, celebrating her life and acknowledging Cherry's passing. Although I am relieved that she is no longer having pain and is with the Lord, I will always miss her.

At the cemetery, the wicked wind chilled the mourners. It slapped my face, reminding me of the electrocution-type pains it would have caused me years ago. I thank the Lord for the opportunity to live a "normal" life again.

Thank you, Cherry, for your prayers, your love, and your laughter.

Decisions We Cannot Undo

When I worked as the director of patient services for a facial pain organization, it was not unusual to receive a phone call, an email, or to talk face to face with an individual who regretted having a procedure.  The discontent was usually directed at two people: the physician or health care practitioner who performed the deed and at the person who underwent the treatment.

It's so easy to blame one's self, to want to go back and undo it. People often torment themselves with wondering why they made the decision.

Let yourself off the hook. Consider this:

* You were taking action to improve your situation.

* You were in terrible pain and made a decision that seemed sound.

* You underwent an approved procedure.

Other considerations are possible. Maybe you spoke to someone at a facial pain organization or someone who had the same procedure and got better. Perhaps you are responsible for someone else's care and did what you could in hopes of being able to help others. Maybe you felt as though you could not continue to endure the pain.

If we saw someone enduring terrible pain, we would expect them to do something to try to relieve it. That's what you did. You're not guilty, not foolish, not rash. When we look at numbers, it can be difficult to measure the success of a procedure. Even if only one percent of treatments have side effects, what if we are the one?

We think positively, moving ahead with the course of action. We want to function again, to have a life, a career, and to be productive. But if things go wrong, it's difficult to continue to "think on the bright side of life." But thinking in a positive manner continues to be a powerful tool, regardless of the extent of suffering. Most of us with facial conditions have walked through some dark places, times when positive thoughts eluded us. We've got to move ahead, find hope again.

Whatever went wrong, it's not your fault. Accepting that will help you deal with circumstances that surround your decision, circumstances such as Anesthesia Dolorosa, increased pain, or numbness. It also means letting go of anger and bitterness that arises with the practitioner and possibly the fact that we have paid that person for a procedure that didn't help us.


We've done the best we can do. 

I've never had a procedure for facial pain, but I had one for my jaw. The procedure, including travel and lodging, was about $25,000 out of pocket. And my jaw got worse. Much worse. It's not easy to deal with, and it gives me insight into regret. I had more than one opinion about my jaw, and I saw the best of the best. Maybe I'll blog more about it at another time.

We want pain to go away. It's even more important to "get rid of it" when those around us don't understand it's severity. Being angry with one's self can cause depression, frustration, and lack of confidence. Forgive yourself.


Just a shout-out: I want to thank the Lord for helping me through trigeminal neuralgia. 


Have you visited my website? www.withgreatmercy.com

Missing my friends

Back in the old days - before blogs, twitter, google, facebook, and email - people could fade into the distance or fall off the face of the earth. We wondered what happened. Closure seemed as impossible as continuing the friendship. The old days had some good points, but modern times have so many advantages. Recently I left a place of employment, and I had "met" so many wonderful people along the way. These individuals either had or loved someone with trigeminal neuralgia, glossopharyngeal neuralgia, or other types of face pain.

I miss these wonderful people.

One of the marvelous things about computers is that we can get so much accomplished without speaking. I'm having a very difficult time speaking these days, but I would still like to voice my care for people with face pain.

Most of us have been to a point where we know we could no longer continue, where we had to step back and take care of ourselves. I am there now, but I miss you.

Claire Patterson, the founder of the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association, says that only the nicest people get face pain. Claire speaks the truth. I will always be grateful to her for raising a banner to fight face pain and to help those who have it.

So this is just one more blog that will let googlers and other Internet users know that they aren't alone. Don't give up. Hold onto hope.