Opening the prison door

Pain can be a prison. It holds us captive, rendering us unable to overcome circumstances and to live a full life, and powerless to reclaim the freedom we once knew. Once trigeminal neuralgia or other forms of neuropathic facial pain strike, we may realize that we didn't fully appreciate our lives prior to the onset of the disability.

We look for answers, proclaim ourselves not guilty, and know we wouldn't wish this type of torment on anyone, even our worst enemy. We call for a guard, and he or she comes, but they do not unlock the door for us. Medications, procedures, and alternate treatments don't always work. We're trapped.

Maybe you've begun to fear that you have received a life sentence, that the pain will never leave. Hope becomes elusive. Without hope, we cannot go free.

Don't give up. Make your release a goal. Don't accept a life - or a death - sentence.

Coaches and teachers have teach their students to "keep an eye on the prize." I believe it is appropriate to adopt this way of thinking. Picture yourself living a normal life. Don't lose sight of it. Step by step, visualize yourself in better health. Hold tightly to things that you cherish.

I held onto my belief that the Lord would not "leave me" in such terrible pain; receiving a miracle was my goal. By the time my prayer was answered, I had  experienced quite a bit of isolation. I didn't really know how to relate well to people any longer. I was grateful. I asked what could I do to help someone else, something I could do from home.

Soon I became involved with Prison Fellowship Ministries. I started as a penpal, and the experience mushroomed. As years went by, I volunteered to teach classes at a prison.

My original penpal and I have been writing four years now. In fact, he has become like a son to us. When I first wrote him, I explained trigeminal neuralgia and how it was like being in prison. I sent him a copy of With Great Mercy. When he read it, he understood that prison comes in many forms.

We are experiencing some glitches in our visitation recently. There is nothing we can do about it, but we understand that God knows no limits. If you'd like to offer a prayer on our behalf,  we'd appreciate your support.

Most of all, I'd like you to know that my prayers are with you, that your release date will come soon.  

Not guilty: that's you.

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Trigeminal neuralgia: the Valley of the Shadow

Many of us have heard, read, or prayed the 23rd Psalm. The passage is often comforting to people who are struggling with pain or illness. Here's the part I like best, from verse four:  

  

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.

When I experienced the electrifying pain of trigeminal neuralgia, I prayed to die. And this portion of the verse had new meaning for me. I was in the shadow of death, I reasoned, because I wanted to die. Yet the pain held no sting of death, and I felt trapped. I was alive but could not live with the pain. It was the darkest valley I've known.

The "shadow of death" lurked while I wanted to die and could not.


It's not unusual for people who have trigeminal neuralgia to think about dying. They want relief from the pain, a pain so overwhelming it doesn't seem that another second of it can be tolerated. I lived in fear, fear of the pain.

People who have not experienced trigeminal neuralgia often notice that someone who has TN is depressed. Sometimes onlookers think the depression has caused the pain, but people who have TN know differently. It's the pain and the hopelessness that causes the sorrow.


Let's examine the second part of the quotation. I will fear no evil. It takes guts to have such tremendous pain, to stare it in the face and refuse to fear it. But we can do it. For thou art with me. We don't walk through our valleys alone, and in this we have our hope.

We cannot get better without hope, and if we are afraid, hope eludes us. Let's believe. Together and with the hope of our Lord, we can face fear and cling to hope.

Have you experienced fear or depression along with your pain? I'd love to hear from you.

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