OK. Sometimes I am better at resting in God's love than at other times. I'm feeling better now, but last week was tough. By the end of the week, I was totally frustrated. It's not just the pain; it's the medicine. It is also the feeling of hopelessness that tries to set in. But it's the hopelessness that we have to fight; no one can do it for us. In the midst of rest, I had a close encounter with someone whose behavior resembles mine from time to time.
Sunday, my pain was still raging. There wasn't too much to watch on television, so I tuned into Bridezilla and was totally fascinated. I thought about how obsessed these young women were in their quests to have a perfect day.
Bingo. A perfect day. Obsessed with a situation. Oh yeah, I had to admit that I am sometimes a Facezilla. Like a bride who wants everyone to understand what she is feeling and what she wants... I have these same feelings. I'm misunderstood. Sometimes I am angry. I hurt so badly. Why can't I just have what I want? Doesn't anybody really want to help me?
Who cares what it costs, huh? No not more flowers and bling. I want another method of treatment. Insurance doesn't cover that either? Who is going to make relief happen?
Be reasonable? I don't want to be. If the bridezilla doesn't like what the cake that has been prepared for her, she can just put her fist in the cake and smash it. Somebody will clean up her mess. I don't have the luxury of cake-smashing. Doesn't anyone understand that for once I just need to have a day with no pain? I want a day where I can talk, chew, and be free from medication. Somebody fix it!
People pity the grooms of the bridezillas and wish them luck with their demanding brides. Oh yeah. I pity my husband. It took him a few years to catch onto what I am am experiencing and how I feel, and I'll tell you how I feel: sorry. Sorry for him. He stands by now, trying to remain calm. He knows that if I get upset the pain will escalate. He just allows me to be right. How frustrating when I know that I am not.
I hope I have made this a little humorous, but the reality is that constant pain and disability can cause a person to lose perspective. Weddings aren't going to be perfect. Neither are facezillas. Have you hugged yours today?
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