We wait. It is a part of life that can be terribly unpleasant. A popular theme, fiction, non-fiction, and plays have wait in their titles. Tom Petty, whose band Mudcrutch played at my high school dances and events, sings about how “The Waiting is the Hardest Part.” He’s right, and I love his song. The scriptures contain plenty of verses about waiting. A favorite comes from Isaiah 40:31. But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. I want to mount up with wings as eagles, but I do not want to wait. I have grown weary. Frustrated. Exasperated. Somewhat confused. This morning I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s song, “Dead Man Walking.” Most of us are familiar with the expression and how it refers to death row, a convicted person walking to his or her appointment with execution. I thought of all the times I begged God to let me die. I wanted to wake in His arms in Heaven, to be relieved of suffering. I had trigeminal neuralgia, and sometimes it was difficult to live through the next minute. I was a dead person living, barely able to walk and not able to talk. Long after the Lord healed me, I began to experience terrible pain from glossopharyngeal neuralgia. I had learned too much to pray for death. From my previous experience, I knew that God would not leave me in such terrible pain. I saw the present suffering as temporary. I had assurance of God’s love, and I was well acquainted with Hebrews Eleven. Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see, states the chapter’s first verse. It happens to be the following verses, however, that fill me with faith. By faith, Noah built an ark and saved his family and himself from the great flood. By faith, Abraham, whose body was as good as dead, had a child with his aging wife, Sarah. Abraham became the father of the world’s largest nations. By faith, Abraham offered his son as a sacrifice, and the Lord honored his obedience by providing an alternative. By faith, Moses’ mother hid him, and he became part of the Pharaoh’s family. By faith, Moses led the Jews of out of Egypt’s bondage. By faith, the wall of Jericho fell, and the Lord’s people gained control of the city. Kingdoms have been conquered and the mouths of lions have been shut by faith. We recover by faith. We win by faith. Sometimes all we can do is thank God for an answer that hasn’t come yet, by faith. Whatever you and I need today might require waiting. Perhaps we will be used and abused in the process. I feel weary, and you might, too. But by faith, we are more than conquerors. By faith, we ask for more strength. By faith, we walk, not to death but to life.

Trigeminal neuralgia: ABC news report

Has the ABC report of trigeminal nerualgia (TN) and microvascular decompression (MVD) surgery given you hope?

I'm encouraged not only by the fact that the debilitating condition has received recognition by a major network but also that people who suffer have had a moment of validation. Let's take that moment and internalize it, making it a part of who we are: strong, sane individuals who suffer and want to get well.

Several of my friends, none of them who have experienced facial pain, have contacted me about the ABC news episode. They wonder if I am aware of the procedure. When I was the Director of Patient Services for TNA, the Facial Pain Association, I discussed the surgery several times each day with individuals who were looking for relief.

No, I didn't have the surgery. One of the reasons I didn't was that I was afraid. Although the statistics show great results, not everyone's pain is relieved by the MVD. But don't lose heart; MVD surgery is not the only resource.

After I was properly diagnosed, I searched the Internet looking for help. I ran across message boards where people talked about their complications and expressed their remorse for having this procedure. I was paralyzed by fear, afraid to move forward with treatment. When the electrocution-type pains struck, I prayed to die. They were in all three divisions of my nerve: my right eye, my cheek, and my jaw.

What I didn't know was that people often post on their worst of days, never returning on the good days to say that they are better. When they pain is relieved, they often move on with their lives and prefer not to think about the trauma they have experienced. For the people reading the blogs and message boards, it looks as though there is there is no hope. But there is.

ABC News encourages people who have trigeminal neuralgia to make sure they have a physician who believes them. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this. It's part of the validation process. Many individuals who have facial pain have been dismissed as having emotional problems. It's important to know that depression is secondary to trigeminal neuralgia. Another thing you want to consider is that the MVD attempts to treat the situation that causes the pain. Other procedures, often called less invasive, cause damage to the nerve.

Other important things to note is that some neurologists do not have experience in treating facial pain. Neurologists prescribe medicines and can refer you to a neurosurgeon if you are interested in a procedure. Not everyone is a candidate for an MVD, and not every surgery is successful. It's important to discuss this possibility with a neurosurgeon. One thing that may give you insight into what you can expect after the procedure is to ask what constitutes a successful surgery in the neurosurgeon's opinion. You may want to find out how many MVDs the physician has performed in the past year.

Most of all, it's important to do your homework. To learn about the many types of treatment, you can read an excellent book called Striking Back. It discusses the many types of facial pain and their treatment options.

If you are wondering why God allows people to suffer like this, you may be interested in With Great Mercy. It's a personal account of how TN affected every area of my life and how my faith pulled me through the dark times.

I've told hundreds of people, maybe thousands, that the world would be a better place if everyone experienced this excruciating pain for just one day. No one has asked why because we know. It gives us greater compassion and empathy for others. It makes us thankful for the blessings we once took for granted. We so desperately want those around us to understand why we cannot talk, brush our teeth, or experience the slightest breeze without being "electrocuted." But maybe - just maybe - reports like Diane Sawyer's will help others relate to us.

ABC: thank you!

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When dying seems preferable to living

Those of us who have experienced the torment of trigeminal neuralgia know there are worse things than dying. Intense and unrelenting suffering can cause a person to lose hope in living, but we must hold onto it.

When I was ill with trigeminal neuralgia, I longed for death. My own suffering caused me to think about the violent death of Jesus and how His pain surpassed mine. If anyone understood that no one really understood, it was He. By "no one understanding," I refer to how our friends and family may think that we can overcome the pain if we want to, if we try, if we think positively. All those things can help, but they don't stop the pain. The stings, strikes, and electrocution-type pains simply wear people down.

Let's shift our focus back to Jesus and think about someone whom He loved, Lazarus. Lazarus was dead, in a tomb, and stinking when Jesus showed up. And we see in John 11, that Martha (brother of the deceased) was not happy with Jesus because He had not been around to heal His friend. But Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. A moment later, Jesus called for Lazarus, and he came out of the tomb: alive again.


After suffering so long, I remember changing my mind about wanting to die even when pain had spiraled out of control. My mother prayed for me and comforted me and through prayer, I got close enough to Jesus to "hear" Him calling my name. Like never before, I believed in His resurrection power. I began to ask Him to help me live.


Jesus gave me my life back. That was six and a half years ago. I've endured pain from another cranial nerve since then, and I have had some terrible neuropathic facial pain because of a jaw procedure that has gone awry. But Jesus has helped me through it all, helped me reclaim my life each time.


I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I owe my life, my health, and every good thing that is within me to Him.


Happy Easter. 


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Conversations with Job: suffering, accusations, and integrity

This past week, I've been reading the book of Job, a Biblical account of a good man who lost everything, including his health. Job's life turns upside down overnight, a riches to rags story.

When I consider Job's tremendous suffering, I think about people who are dealing with trigeminal neuralgia. Many have told me they relate to Job's situation because the pain from TN is so tremendous. I remember feeling the same way, years ago.

Facial pain can steal the things we cherish. People who are at the top of their game turn to focus on finding relief: an accurate diagnosis, a medication, or a procedure to erase pain.

In spite of the provisions the government has made for people with disabilities, individuals who have trigeminal neuralgia and other types of face pain sometimes lose their jobs. It's couched as "restructuring," or blamed on "this economy." After all, corporate America must abide by the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Friends and family sometimes expect us to "get over it" and get on with our lives. When we can't, many of them retreat. Some of Job's friends, if they can be called that, accused him. They told him that his misfortune was caused by his own actions.  Zophar tells him to leave his sins behind and to confess them to God. In other words, get over it and get well, Job.

When I got sick with trigeminal neuralgia, some of my friends looked for a spiritual cause. Was I dabbling in something I shouldn't? Was my husband in business with someone immoral? Did we live in a house with a violent history? The possibilities seemed endless. Maybe someone has intimated that you are somehow responsible for your pain.

Handling accusations of this nature is tricky. We don't want to be deserted or alone. Yet critical rhetoric can make the anguish of pain even more intense. How can we respond? With his body practically decaying while he was alive, Job blamed no one, not himself or God.

Job's buddies missed his money, his prestige. But Job's integrity remained intact. He stated that we can't take it with us and refused to dwell on his material loss. But his health was another matter. Physical suffering cannot be denied. It's the ultimate thief. And it was the most difficult loss for Job.

Later Job's health and wealth were restored. You may have suffered so long that you no longer believe you will have a life again. Have faith that you will get better. If you need counseling to help you regain hope, find a practitioner who is experienced in counseling people with chronic pain.

Without hope, it's difficult for people to overcome pain. Don't blame yourself for disability. It's not your fault.

For more information about The Americans with Disabilities Act and facial pain, please see "disability and loss" on my website.

Thank you

Thank you for staying in touch. Your emails, comments, tweets, and posts mean so much to me. Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you.