My glossopharyngeal nerve sometimes causes stabs and jabs in
my jaw. It can cause me to “jerk,” suddenly as though I have put my finger in a
light socket. The pain sometimes expands to the tongue, and even a little bit
of movement of it can trigger “electrocution” type pains. “Lightning bolts”
strike through my ear, down my jaw and tongue, and into my throat. Swallowing
is difficult and quite painful. When the pains hit my ear, I get extremely
dizzy and can lose my balance.
The first time I experienced glossopharyngeal neuralgia, I
thought I had a virus. My ear and throat burned, and they felt worse when I
swallowed. I quickly made an appointment with my primary care physician, and he
examined me. The doctor was already
aware of my battle with trigeminal neuralgia.
“Your throat and ear look good,” he said. Then he noted that
the pain followed the course of my carotid artery. He diagnosed me with
carotidynia.
Carotidynia? I wondered what could go wrong next. And as the
hours passed, moving my head became more difficult and the pain in my neck
became more severe. I lay in bed, thinking I might actually have meningitis. It
made sense: an outbreak of it had recently occurred in the school where I
taught.
Being confined to bed with an illness is an invitation for
the mind to wander into the darkest of places. So many of us have experienced
hopelessness. What I tell you next is not to frighten you or to be morbid. I
ask you to find humor in it with me. I secretly welcomed meningitis. Maybe it will kill me, I thought. I will go to Heaven and finally be free of
this pain.
I didn’t have meningitis, and in a few days I was back at
work and feeling well. I told my teacher friends about my short-lived death
wish, and we laughed. Later, my neurologist discussed the carotidynia diagnosis
with me and explained that I actually had glossopharyngeal neuralgia.
Dwelling on bleak thoughts is easy
but destructive. Finding hope is a challenge for people who have cranial nerve disorders. For me, hope is my faith in
Jesus Christ. I will discuss the reality of glossopharyngeal neuralgia and my faith in a future entry. The Lord remains faithful, and it is well.
